25 Lessons For 25 Years
25 Lessons For 25 Years |
LESSONS THAT TAUGHT ME HOW TO LIVE. Seneca said that at the end of your life, you should have more to show for it than just a number. A number. Like my age. My net worth. My GPA. My titles. The things that make a life significant cannot be described with a number. Numbers won't be mentioned at my funeral. It's strange how we learn to write our own resumes but not our own eulogies. So what actually makes life significant? The first cry of a newborn. The look of gratitude in the eyes of a needy individual. The deep breath of fresh air on a clear morning. The words of unending love and support from a loved one. As I hit 25 years of living on God's green earth, I want to reflect on 25 lessons I've learned about life, friendships, and finding purpose. Ryan Holiday, when describing his approach to life, used the phrase "pack a lot of living into these years," which I really like. Too often we float through life without actually living. I would catch myself spending hours and days behind a screen without seeing a tree. I would go too long without calling up a friend and seeing how they're doing, getting caught up in work and studies. At the end of it all, can I really say that I've lived? To me, living is looking up at the clear blue sky and watching the clouds blow by, not sitting behind a spreadsheet. Living is taking a dog on a walk around a glistening lake, not typing on Twitter. Living is going wine tasting with my family, not chasing a promotion. At the end of my life, I want to be able to say that I've packed a lot of living into those years. So without further ado, here are 25 of the most important lessons I've learned in my 25 years of life. Lessons that taught me how to live. 25 Lessons1 - A kind word is music to a heavy heart. I was having a tough week, and my soul felt suffocated though I ignored it. I went about my day mindlessly and dead on the inside. Then suddenly a friend stopped me, gave me a huge hug, and told me I'm doing great. Emotions couldn't be stopped. It felt like an enormous release. To have a friend like that is a blessing. 2 - Sometimes it's better to delay speaking than to speak too early. Too often have I needed to contradict myself or undo my actions because I said something or made a decision too quickly. I felt that this had diluted the weight of my words. So I've decided: if I am unsure of a fact or decision, I will wait to say anything, if possible. 3 - It will be the people - not the career, accolades, or money - who will be the grandeur of my life. I was reading Why Fish Don't Exist by Lulu Miller. Since childhood, she struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, and an overwhelming sense of meaninglessness to life. She went on a quest to discover purpose, if there even is such a thing in the grand scheme of things. And what she found was that, when she opened her eyes to seeing the limitless possibilities around her, the glory of life is found in the universe that dwells in the eyes of a loved one, The glory of my life, I hope, will be the people I've had the privilege of having as a part of my journey. 4 - To be human, rather than of utter despair, is of the utmost glory. I used to hate being human. When observing my own humanity, I only saw weakness, blindness, and reason for contempt. But then a spiritual mentor suggested a different way of seeing things: that our evils and moral limitations are not what our humanity is supposed to be, but the results of our failure to be fully and truly human. Because what it means to be truly human is to pursue the ultimate Good. We were born for it. 5 - When blood is in the streets, that is the time to build. Warren Buffet's wisdom to be greedy when others are fearful applies to more than just investing. When the streets are empty, you have the advantage of low competition and being to first to find a solution. 6 - Rejection is not a statement of my value, but a statement of my purpose. I had this insight when I was soothing my wounds from my first romantic rejection. I felt unworthy, crushed, and lost. But this realization told me that being rejected by one person or in one area doesn't mean I am worthless. It means I am meant for something else. Rather than being like trash thrown into a bin, I am like a river being directed to produce hydraulic power. 7 - My unfair advantage is the intersection of my uniqueness. You say it's unfair that some people are born into wealth. You're right. That's their unfair advantage, and you have yours. Maybe it's unfair that you were raised in a two-parent household, or that you went to college, or that you are connected with the right people, or that you were born in a certain country. The intersection of all these puts you far ahead in a unique way. 8 - The one who has a sword and keeps it sheathed is the strongest of all men. It is not the strong who punches back when provoked, but the weak. The strong is prudent in their reactions, and only responds when their strength is called upon. It is the strong who keeps the fist unfurled, the tongue in check, and the eyes from wandering. 9 - Soft is stronger than hard. A wisdom that came from Taoism and Buddhism. Hard breaks, soft shapes. Hard destroys, soft persuades. Hard resists, soft renders ineffective. Hard is do or die, soft lives to fight another day. And, more importantly, hard prevents you from receiving, while soft opens you up to insight, joy, and love. Sometimes trying softer is better than trying harder. 10 - 30 minutes with a master is more valuable than 30 days with the ignorant. When I got off a 30-minute call with a career coach, I realized I was farther ahead than I ever was after 30 days of trying to figure things out for myself. Having a coach is so important and could launch you in the right direction. I intend to find coaches and mentors for multiple areas of my life, from fitness and business to public speaking and language learning. 11 - What happens within you while you wait is more important than what you are waiting for. I've been through more transitions in my life than I can count. Many of them involved uprooting my entire livelihood. And many involved extended periods of waiting for something to happen, for a door to open. It's never fun. But I've learned a thing or two about waiting well. The focus is always on the future, on trying to make something happen. During that time, the most important thing in my psyche is what I'm waiting to happen next. I'm obsessive about the next thing, and the thing after that. But I neglect the wellness of my soul in the meantime. Learning how to wait well does wonders for spiritual and psychological wellbeing. I now think of waiting as a season of deep growth in preparation for the next stage of life. 12 - The greatest weakness of humanity is shortsightedness. Almost all of our moral shortcomings can be traced back to shortsightedness. Why would we give up integrity for money, devotion for pleasure, and responsibility for comfort and laziness? It makes no sense why we would forsake what is transcendentally and obviously good for things that are base and temporary. It's the same reason why we prefer cookies and soda over a healthy diet and exercise. Why there's so much appeal in the "buy now pay later" commercial scheme. Why we fail to pass on wisdom, wealth, and health to future generations. Shortsightedness, the enemy of human actualization. 13 - The joys of love far outweighs its risks and pains. As a freshman in college, I grew cynical and depressed in the face of unstable and unpredictable relationships. I only saw the risks and pains of vulnerability. Was it really worth it? Are people really worth it? It wasn't until people took risks on me. A college senior. A professor and mentor. A friend I hurt but who didn't give up on me. The joyous relationships I have now only exist because people loved me and ignored the risks of doing so. And I reap the benefits of that. Can I not do the same? 14 - The space outside of your comfort zone is where the magic happens. Your comfort zone is predictable, while magic is not. The two are diametric opposites. Want to see miracles? Want to experience stories worth telling? Comfort won't get you there. Adventure will. 15 - To trust is not to be naïve of the risks but to have courage in the face of them. An extension of number 13. This is best articulate by Jordan Peterson: we all start with naïveté, trusting blindly. But then we encounter malevolence and have our trust broken. We become cynical. So why on earth would we trust again? We trust not in the absence of the reality of hurt, but despite it. We choose to trust anyway - that is courage. 16 - Be careful what you build in your mind. The fortresses you establish there will be extremely difficult to tear down, for good or for bad. When I built walls of cynicism in my mind, it was pretty easy. Before long, my entire view of the world had changed, painting a gloomy tint over everything. But when I tried to rid myself of that mindset, it was pretty damn difficult. The walls had grown roots. It took much longer to pull them out than it did to plant them. Ever since, my advice has been to be careful what you build. The mind is a powerful thing. 17 - Always reach out, even in the dark, for you never know whom you might touch. Maybe the person you've impacted most is someone you don't even remember. I've been on the receiving end of this. Whether it's a kind word, a thoughtful deed, or a carefully crafted YouTube video, I've been impacted in ways I don't think even the other person knows about. I only hope I've done the same for others - and that one day I can hear about it. 18 - The pain of not saying what you need to say far outweighs the fear of not saying it. Whether it is confessing you love, showing your appreciation, or speaking the painful truth, I've always regretted not saying what I wanted to say. I've confessed love too late, lost an opportunity to show gratitude, and gave in to the fear of speaking the truth only to suffer shame later. If I can't speak when the stakes are relatively low, how can I expect to speak when they are high? And what wonders might I be missing out on by keeping silent? 19 - Most friendships are temporary. See the fading of one as an opportunity to invest in a new one. Saying goodbye is hard, but it's a recurring reality of life. People move on. I move on. But I find new relationships when I do. There have been people on the sidelines with whom I'd never get to know without old friends moving on. And it's not like I lose those relationships. I just make time for new ones. 20 - Most of my regrets in life are not things I did but things I didn't do. Again, such as holding back on saying how I was feeling. Or not taking an opportunity to try something new despite how scary it was. I always wish I did something, not didn't do something. I wish I had said hi. I wish I had said yes. I wish I had stepped out of my comfort zone into where the magic happens. 21 - Don't let concerns, even goals, of the future prevent or distract you from living fully today. If you're reading this, you're most likely a growth-minded person like myself. One of our blind spots is being so preoccupied with improving things that we forget to smell the flowers along the way. Life is full of concerns, and there is no shortage of things to make better. As we devote ourselves to the vision of a better future, let us also remember to do right now the things that define our fulfilling life. 22 - The moments you miss the most are often the mundane ones. Appreciate the mundanity of life. I am quite a sentimental guy. I enjoy nostalgia and missing the good parts of the past. And I realized that those moments I miss most are not the flashy ones, like receiving an award or doing something novel. It's the late-night talks with good friends, the routine walk to the store or coffee shop, and the quite evenings watching the sunset. 23 - The two greatest failures of every generation are: 1) the failure to impart important values to the next generation, and 2) the failure to receive and learn important values from the previous generation. It's cliché but true: those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Important lessons are learned in every era, but they are quickly forgotten after a few decades. Parents fail to teach their children, and children fail to learn from their parents. Hard-earned values are forsaken and need to be learned again the hard way. Again, it's our shortsightedness. 24 - Your calling is not something you arrive at. It's a picture you paint by stepping into purpose every day. We tend to think our callings are something predetermined for our entire lives that we have to search for like the holy grail. But our callings are more like a tapestry that we only appreciate in hindsight. By living in purpose - on purpose - every day, pursuing a vision, meeting needs, and becoming our best selves, we will one day find ourselves living out our calling. We'll then think: "Wow. I'm doing what I was born to do." 25 - Never use your circumstances as an excuse for why you can't do something. "I have no time." "I don't have the right tools or education." "I don't have the money or energy." "Starting a business? In this economy??" Saying such things is identifying yourself as a victim. It reinforces the belief that you are powerless in unfavorable circumstances. Guess what? That's not a story worth telling. Stop identifying as a victim and start writing your hero's journey. I'm getting old...Haha just kidding. I have my whole life ahead of me. The best is yet to come! Today I sit with a good ol' cheesecake. It's kind of a tradition now. A little treat with my favorite dessert (next to ice cream). I take my time with the slice of cake, savoring every bite, while pondering on my life and taking a moment to appreciate it. One thing nice about a July birthday? It's in the summer. Thank you for being a part of my community! If you enjoy this newsletter, consider sharing it with others who might benefit from it as well! And if you want to reach out, you can reply to this email :) |