You think you know what you want. But do you really?
You think you know what you want. But do you really? |
And how to discover what is true to you.You think you know what you want. But you actually don’t. Here’s why you have the illusion of knowing what you want, but it’s making you more lost than ever.
Think about the things you want. They might be: • Prestigious job Have you ever asked yourself WHY you want those things? You might be able to come up with justifying answers, but then I would ask: Where did those desires come from? That’s a much harder question. Did those desires come from within you? Or are they things you were told you should want? Mimetic DesireCoined by René Girard, mimetic desire is when our desires are informed by what we see others have or want. Girard wrote: "Man is the creature who does not know what to desire, and he turns to others in order to make up his mind. We desire what others desire because we imitate their desires." Now, imitation isn’t bad. There is great utility to imitating other people’s desires: Survival. If you were dropped into an indigenous tribe whose culture and environment you are completely unfamiliar with, your mind would be constantly plagued with the question: What should or shouldn’t I be doing? And the best way to figure that out would be to imitate. You would pay attention to: • What they encourage and reward Imitation is a fundamental mechanism to ensure our survival and flourishing. In a way, breaking away from the herd stems from a position of having all your psychological needs met. You couldn’t bear to do so otherwise. The problem is: Many people are still functioning from a place of survival. They look to others to tell them what goals to have because they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves otherwise. They don’t know what game they’re playing so they look to others for the rules. On top of that, the entire advertising industry bombards us with messages about what we should want.
And our families do the same thing.
You know what NO ONE is helping you do? Figure out what YOU want. Figure out what game YOU are playing. No wonder you are lost and unfulfilled! You’re playing someone else’s game! How to know what you truly wantYou first need to understand which of your desires aren’t actually yours but are either imitations or were taught to you. This requires deep self-reflection. Cross those off the list. What remains? Are you shocked by what is left? Or the lack of it? This is the hard work. Start with identifying your values. Desires vs. Values Values are deeper. While desires are emotion-based, values are conviction-based. For example, if someone in need is in a bind, I would willingly make uncomfortable sacrifices to help them. Not because it gives me good emotions, but because it’s my conviction to do so. With enough discouragement, desires can be discarded. But no amount of opposition can turn away a deep value you possess. Discover your values. They will lead you to your true desires.
When the founding fathers drafted the Great Experiment, they united on the value of freedom. How did they arrive at it? They saw what the world was like without it. And they believed it’s a right bestowed from heaven. They believe in that value so strongly they fought for it through blood, sweat, and blisters. They knew what they wanted. They knew what game they were playing. Do you? --- When you know your values, identify what kind of things will make that vision a reality. Those will be your goals. These goals won't be the kind those productivity gurus will tell you about. They will originate from within and eventually birth something bigger than yourself. What I learned this weekSmall worldI recently discovered that I am only 3 points of contact away from Elon Musk. I have a college friend who lives in the Bay Area of California, who has a colleague who in turn has contact with Elon. So theoretically, under the right circumstances, if I wanted to, I could call up the man himself. (And tell him to fix the 𝕏 algorithm) This reinforces a principle I've heard about but have rarely taken advantage of: you are usually only 3-5 points of contact away from the person you want or should be talking to. I bet you are less than 5 people removed from names like Casey Neistat, Dan Koe, and Tucker Carlson. For myself, I want to start asking people for referrals, like "Hey, I'm looking for someone knowledgeable in [select industry/field]. Any recommendations?" I bet the path that opens up will be full of surprises. (Just make sure you are someone people want to talk to and you are providing value along the way.) Post-irony and meta-ironyGen Z and millennials are known for taking things to the next level, and one area where they really stepped it up is humor. Modern humor has found a way to layer multiple levels of irony to the point of being really confusing and vague. In fact, what makes meta-irony funny is it's very nature of being indecipherable. "The confusion over who is the real butt of the joke is the joke." You can read about it in detail in this wonderful article: Meta-Irony: How It Works, How It's Used and How It Helps You may notice that the nebulous nature of meta-irony is similar to the worldview of postmodernism. They definitely seem to be born from the same place. But whether meta-irony is a product of post-modernism, a reaction to it, or simply a simultaneous occurrence is uncertain. Stay purposeful. – Nathanael Thank you for being a part of my community! If you enjoy this newsletter, consider sharing it with others who might benefit from it as well! And if you want to reach out, you can reply to this email :) View website |
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