This is why you hate compliments.

And nothing can persuade you otherwise.

This is why you have a hard time accepting compliments.

It’s not because you don’t want it. Heck, you love it. But you can’t admit that to yourself.

Because there’s always a part of you that is immediately resistant to it. And this voice is loud.

I still struggle with accepting praise. I’m better at it now, but boy, it was bad before.

I would often dismiss it with a shrug, a wave of a hand, and a “Nahhhh.” That voice in my head would say “they’re just being nice” or “they have no idea.”

I couldn’t allow myself to believe anything good about myself. I needed to believe I was inferior. I couldn’t entertain the possibility that other people actually thought well of me.

That voice in my head was like a parental-protection software that censored everything that smelled of positive thinking.

My mental and emotional shield was up 20 feet high and 5 feet thick.

Your protective response may be different. Maybe you use self-deprecating humor. Or you deflect the credit to someone else.

Either way, you can’t receive it.

Because you don’t believe you deserve it.

This belief came from somewhere. Maybe nothing was ever enough for your parents. Maybe a teacher told you that you’ll never succeed if you don’t try hard enough—but it was never clear what “enough” really meant. Maybe you’ve only ever received conditional love and acceptance, determined by your performance, coolness, money, charisma, or looks.

Maybe you thought you’ll never succeed until you walk to school up a mountain, both ways, in knee-high snow, in the blistering July heat. While school is on vacation.

Funnily, there are people in the upper echelons of Manhattan and Silicon Valley who still think that.

Do you just need more evidence? Do you need just one more trophy, one more degree, one more nomination for the Forbes 30 Under 30 to finally be persuaded that you are good enough?

That you are worth it?

Worthy of love?

And it’s love you really want, isn’t it? All that striving for status, fame, or money is because “then people will want to be around me…they’ll admire me…then I’ll be loved.”

Now you might be wondering: How do I convince myself that I'm worthy of something?

Newsflash: no amount of evidence can ever persuade you. There’s no achievement on earth that can ever convince you that you deserve to believe in yourself. You could win a Pulitzer Prize and still think to yourself, “they’re totally overestimating me. If they only knew what a piece of crap I really am…”

Because evidence doesn’t create belief.

Belief interprets evidence.

You’re looking for a mathematical formula where if you put in the right information it will spit out “WORTHY” as the conclusion. But that’s not how it works.

Your worth is something you have to RECOGNIZE and ACCEPT.

Then you’ll see the evidence clearly.

Then you can accept praise.

Then you’ll allow yourself to be loved.

Stay purposeful.

– Nathanael

P.S. What is something you've learned recently? Reply and let me know!

Other essays you might like

Are you a perfectionist? This is what it means.

Over-affirming parents can actually be harmful for their children — here's why

Thank you for being a part of my community! If you enjoy this newsletter, consider sharing it with others who might benefit from it as well! And if you want to reach out, you can reply to this email :)