Why You Shouldn't Want Motivation

WHY MOTIVATION ISN'T THE GOAL OR THE SOLUTION TO OUR LACK OF DESIRED ACTION, AND WHAT WE SHOULD DO INSTEAD.

Everyone is seeking motivation, especially in the self-improvement space. If we can find a way to be constantly motivated, life would be so much easier. Right?

What if I told you that motivation shouldn't be the goal? Sounds crazy? Keep reading.

You think the reason you're not doing what you should be doing is because you lack motivation. Not true.

You don't lack motivation. You actually have too much of it — in a different direction.

For instance, I've been struggling to go to the gym consistently this winter, not because I don't want to workout, but because it's frickin' cold (it's 13 degrees Fahrenheit, or -10 Celcius, as I'm writing this) and I would rather stay warm at home.

This is the constant battle between our emotional mind and our rational mind.

The emotional mind is your basic instincts and it seeks what's most natural. It does what it wants, and whatever it wants is your motivation for the moment.

The rational mind is the part of you that is self aware. It's able to think long term and set proper goals. It grows with maturity and has the ability to deal with your fears and desires.

Got the picture? Now here's the problem with seeking motivation:

If you do only what you're motivated to do, who's ACTUALLY in control?

As long as motivation is king, YOU (your rational self) are not in control.

If the emotional mind is in control, you get what you want only if it wants the same thing. And that's a problem.

Then you might think: "If I can get it to keep wanting the same thing, that would solve the problem."

Actually no. Because motivation is a neutral force, neither good nor bad. And what you think might be a good thing to be motivated about might not actually be that good after all. For example...

A guy can be highly motivated in pursuing his career (which one might think is a good thing)...to the point of having three failed marriages.

Another person can be motivated to lose weight...to the point of being an anorexic.

If motivation is king, you lack CHOICE.

The goal is not to have motivation, even in a right direction. It's about being able to choose.

Example: A friend calls you to hang out on a day when you have work or chores to do. It doesn't matter whether you feel motivated to choose one over the other; the "right" choice depends on the situation and what you want to accomplish.

The ability to choose is the advantage of the rational mind.

Some people offer the other extreme as a solution to the motivation problem:

Willpower.

This is the teeth-gritting sentiment we find everywhere in the self-improvement space.

"Screw your feelings. Get yourself together and push through it, all day every day."

This approach works, for sure. People have seen positive results from this method.

But it can lead to burnout. It's a constant war within yourself where your will has to override your natural desires all the time. It gets tiring.

It assumes that pushing through difficulty is the only way for everything in life, and it doesn't ask the question:

"What would this look like if it was easier?"

Sometimes the only way is through the hardship. But I don't think it's the ideal scenario for daily living.

So if seeking only motivation means you aren't in control, and teeth-gritting can lead to burnout, what's the optimal solution?

The optimal solution is to align both emotional and rational minds under the power of choice.

In this scenario, we solve the inner war. The rational mind is in control and doesn't need to compel through force. There is harmony between both parts of your Self that allows the instinctual self to be guided by the more mature, rational self.

And I think it's possible.

So the obvious question is: how do we achieve this state?

Aha. I'm so glad you asked.

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1. Observe

The first step is to pay attention to where your emotional mind is trying to go, and why.

If you don't want to work and only to play video games, try to figure out what's driving that misguided motivation.

Is it a distraction from how the rest of your life is going? Is it part of a pattern of choosing only the easiest things? Is it due to a lack of purpose in life?

Figuring this out will give you some clues for how to formulate a solution.

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2. Sit With Discomfort

The second thing is to learn to sit with discomfort. Learn to do something a little harder than what you're used to.

If you have no motivation to leave the house, try standing on your porch for thirty minutes. Before giving up your favorite dessert for a diet, practice giving up a less-favorite snack. Build up your discomfort tolerance.

Too much discomfort at one time, the less likely you'll follow through.

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3. Redirect

Here's a fascinating thing to understand: motivation is the distracted cousin of resolve.

Both motivation and resolve are emotion-based. You resolve to do or not do something because you have an emotional desire for it.

The difference is that resolve is something you can choose and motivation is something you can't.

The problem is that our resolve often falls back into mere motivation and eventually vanishes. Why? Because we lose the thing that sets it apart from its cousin:

Choice.

And in order to choose, we need focus. The opposite of resolve is a distracted mind.

This is why mindfulness is such an important practice. Without awareness and focus, we can't accomplish much.

So the third step is to meditate on your chosen resolve and let its associated emotion light that fire within you.

Notice the emotion that comes up when you resolve to do something and focus on that.

By doing this, you are redirecting your emotional energy.

This is how you bring your emotional mind in alignment with your rational mind. Not by giving it the reigns nor by trampling all over it, but by mastering the power of choice.

If you have the ability to choose freely, wouldn't that make life so much easier?

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Stay purposeful.

– Nathanael

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